Satirical Story

Judge: “Order in the Court (Pounds gavel). May the defendant please rise. Mister NotSoSmart, you stand accused of being Not Very Smart. As you know, in smartland this is a grave offense and punishable by death. How do you plead.?”

NSS: “Not guilty, your honor.”

(Sounds of amazement from the jury)

Judge: “The prosecution may now give their evidence.”

Prosecutor: “On April 10th of this year, Mr. NotSoSmart was accused by his neighbour, Mr. Smarty, of reading a book which was not cleared for reading by the comission of smart people, therefore damaging his intelligence and becoming not smart at all.”

Judge: “Where is the book in question?”

Prosecutor: “The book is here, labeled Exhibit A through Z recursively, by page number.”

Judge: “Excellent presentation of evidence. That book looks very unintelligent indeed. There are even pictures! Prosecution, you may question your a witness if you will.”

Prosecution: “We call Mr. Smarty to the stand.”

Mister Smarty: “I solemnly swear to be the smartest.”

Prosecution: “Excellent. Did you see Mr. NotSoSmart reading an unapproved book on April 10th?”

Mister Smarty: “Yes, I did. I remember he was outside in his hammock, drinking lemonade, reading the book underneath the shade. I was just finishing trimming my hedges when I sauntered over to ask him if he had any book suggestions. Then, when I saw the cover of the book did not have the approved Ministry of Smartness stamp, I went straightaway to the telephone and called the authorities.”

(Jury gasps)

Prosecutor: “No further questions.”

Defence attorney: “Mister Smarty may go. I now call Mister NotSoSmart to the stand.”

(Jury gasps)

Judge: “I'll allow it.”

(Jury gasps)

Prosecutor: “This is an insult to our profession! This is an outrage!”

Defence: “Mr. NotSoSmart, what do you have to say in your defence?”

NSS: “Well, I would like to begin by...”

Prosecutor: “Objection! This is a leading question!”

(Jury gasps)

Judge: “Overruled. Mr. NotSoSmart, continue”

(Jury gasps)

NSS: “I was saying that this very law of SmartLand may be without cause. I stand here accused of being Not Very Smart. The term smart has been a subjective term used for different behaviours, some of which may be smart in some situations while not so smart in others. Reading a book that was simply not considered a smart book by a leading authority does not make it a stupid (Jury gasps at curse word) decision.”

Judge: “Continue.”

NSS: “I am arguing that such a subjective term cannot fully describe the totality of a person's behaviour, and if it is subjective, then it must also follow a scale that is dictated by society. Since such a scale relies on the subjectivity of each individual attempting to judge the smartness of each thought and action, it must therefore be arbitrary, since there is no zero point of being unintelligent. In some societies, simply being literate is Extremely smart, while in others it is mundane. However, it is never considered not smart.”

Judge: “Please come to your point.”

NSS: “My point is that according to an arbitrary, subjective scale, I could judge any other person in this room of being not smart, picking out the smallest flaw and rendering it to fit an overall picture of the person. As any person can see, this is a flawed system.”

(Jury gasps)

Defence Attorney: “The defence rests.”

Prosecutor: “This is an outrage!”

Judge: “In light of what we have just discussed today, I must find Mr. NotSoSmart....”

(Jury gasps)

Judge: “NOT GUILTY” (BANGS GAVEL THUNDEROUSLY)

Prosecutor: “This is an outrage! On what grounds?”

Judge: “On the grounds that regardless of whether or not he read that book, anyone who can give a simply reasoned speech regardless of content must be smart, therefore there is no possible way the charges may be true!”

THE END.